Am I a misogynist for not liking Nia Jax?

Nia Jax, the former college basketball player from some bumfuck school no one cares about has once again proven that I fucked up in life by not being born into the Rock’s extended family. 

Nia Jax is a former college basketball player where she won Athlete of the Week once and for all intents and purposes was an average player. 

Further, after her athletic career, she became a “plus sized model” (a term I despise but yet, here we are) and she modeled in what I presume was a grand total of 3 pictures because that’s all I was able to find and I’m at work right now and a certain state government doesn’t need to know that I’m searching for modeling photos of a plus sized female wrestler instead of the 3 elements of agency. 

Then she signed to NXT because when you’re out of work and Samoan, I guess that’s what you do. And if you’re related to the Rock, you wrestle for WWE. 

Nia Jax is an interesting case. As her theme so eloquently puts it, “she’s not like most girls.” She weighs in at over 200 lbs (heavier than yours truly) and looks like she can toss around girls like Eva Marie and Alexa Bliss. At first glance, the fantasy booker in everyone immediately draws a comparison to intimidating head case Awesome Kong, a monster heel can contrast perfectly with the beautiful roster of conventional women. Unfortunately, there are two issues. 

First, Nia Jax looks flabby. Awesome Kong was fat, but she looked solid. She literally looked like a boulder that was ready to wipe out Gail Kim from existence. Maybe it’s a wardrobe issue, but Nia looks like me when I think I can wear tight fitting under armour when I’m at 15% body fat. Like buttercream in a ziplock bag. There’s nothing intimidating about someone wearing a leather outfit that’s too small for them. Unfortunately that’s what Nia looks like. I’m not saying that she doesn’t work out, but she looks like she doesn’t work out. Which to me, begs the question, what does she do with her free 2 hours a day? Other than eat. 

And I know that she got into a car accident in 2014 where she was hospitalized, but immobility doesn’t mean you can’t control your diet, especially since wrestling does have an image component to it, regardless of what you want to believe. Emma just had spinal surgery and she still looks fantastic. It’s an excuse and I hate excuses. It’s why I place the blame on myself not having abs purely on my love affair with Skippys Peanut Butter. No excuses. 

The second issue is, Nia’s face is too pretty. There are some gimmicks (see Undertaker) where being ugly is a massive positive; the monster heel female is one of them. The point of the gimmick is to contrast sharply with the other “pretty” women and the uglier and bigger you are, the more effective that contrast is. With Nia, she’s honestly too pretty to be a monster heel. She always looks like she’s on the verge of tears and she’s always made up like she’s trying to show she’s as pretty as the other girls. The problem is, this does not make an effective monster heel, and when you’re not skilled at all in the ring, you absolutely need an effective gimmick to get over. 

For Nia, she needs to do one of two things to be a better heel. Either lose some weight or stop trying to show that she’s pretty and embrace being the ugly monster. 

Does this make me a mysoginistic pig? I don’t think so. Female monster heels are super effective in part because they’re so rare. Name three. Awesome Kong, Chyna… And that other woman who was going to replace Chyna. Nia needs to embrace the monster part of the gimmick and go on a massive heel run before she’s taken down by a plucky underdog. But, knowing WWE, they’re going to do a tasteful photos hoot with her and push her as a face… And Sasha’s mystery tag team partner…

God damn it. 

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